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I thought maybe....just maybe my mother and I would be able to salvage something.  Anything.  But we just can't.  My dad's right.  My mind is scattered with chaos and dysfunction and pain and doubt.  Whatever my mom and I had growing up, it's gone.  Whatever I had hoped we could someday achieve will never happen.  They should have had my brother first and stopped.  I've done nothing but bring them disappointment and ulcers. 

I'm done trying to be what they want me to be.  I can't do it.  I'll just have to stick with what I can be and that is what I am and it's never going to be good enough.